Two on the go: Tandem breastfeeding a toddler and newborn

Following on from last weeks topic on breastfeeding during pregnancy, Katie James (IBCLC & midwife) and I discuss Tandem Nursing with an older toddler and a newborn. This topic was sent in by Christine and Lyn. Thanks very much for the suggestion! 

If you have a topic you'd like us to discuss, please send it in :)

If you'd prefer to read, here is a summary of our discussion:

Preparing during pregnancy

It is so important to start preparing your toddler for their new baby sibling during your pregnancy. You can borrow books from the library, start talking about babies, and how the baby will make a lot of noise and need a lot of looking after. You can also give the toddler a doll to practice looking after, either during pregnancy or as a ‘gift’ from your new baby after birth. Toddlers love to mimic, and will hopefully take to their new doll to mimic looking after it in the same way you are looking after your new baby. You can ask the midwife to weigh the doll baby after weighing your newborn, and encourage the mimicry that toddlers really engage with. You may find a few weeks down the track that toddlers will breastfeed their doll while you’re breastfeeding, both boys and girls. It’s just beautiful.

Remember that your toddler is trying to come to terms with a stranger coming in. Toddlers are quite stranger aware and don’t like being with people they don’t know very well at this age. When a new sibling comes along often there can be quite a lot of jealousy. So, continuing to nurse both of them can be a really lovely bonding experience for the siblings, and also to know that mummy still loves the toddler as much as the new baby. Breastfeeding the two of them can be a real joy in terms of the interaction between the three of you.

It can also go the other way, and the toddler is fine and loves the new sibling and doesn’t want to nurse any more, perhaps deciding that nursing is for babies. We’re all individuals, and so are our children! Different personalities will react differently.

The other thing is time. You can often feel overwhelmed with a new baby and a toddler who is still demanding your time and attention (perhaps more so than before the new baby arrived). It’s great to prepare for this before the new baby arrives. This blog has some great tips for coping with a toddler and newborn.

Once your baby arrives

You might want to try nursing your newborn in a football hold position, with your baby on one side, freeing up your whole other side to be able to snuggle in and interact with your toddler on the other. You may need a nursing pillow, or some kind of support to keep your baby in position and secure while they’re nursing. The big thing to remember is that our babies are longer than us, so you may need some pillows or support behind your back, to move your torso forward and leave enough room for your baby to lie down the side of your body. Make sure you get the set up right, so you’re not bending over awkwardly. It may be worth trying nursing in that position with a midwife or lactation consultant to give you some pointers before leaving the hospital.

What about supply?

Always nurse your newborn first, and toddler second. Your body will normally naturally work out the supply, based on the demand, so don’t worry too much. If you had an issue with oversupply the first time around, you may find that issue again. Normally your milk turns back to colostrum just before you give birth, and then, if you’re still nursing your toddler, your milk comes in pretty quickly. You may experience more engorgement the second time around. That’s when the toddler comes in really handy! Initially we tend to produce more than we need as your body works out how much it needs to produce, based on the demand. Whatever your baby and toddler need, your body will supply.

Don’t worry about foremilk and hindmilk, new research is showing that the foremilk and hindmilk is mixing around throughout the feed. As long as you’re feeding your newborn first, they’ll have whatever they need. Make sure you nurse your newborn as much as they need, whether it’s one side, or both sides, before then offering to nurse your toddler. All women have different capacity for storing milk, and this will differ for every woman. Some women will hold 50ml per breast, and others 150ml per breast. Have a feel of your breast after nursing, does it feel drained, does your baby seem satisfied? You may find your newborn will nurse from both breasts, and then your toddler will nurse from both breasts. Alternatively you may find your newborn only needs to nurse from one breast, and then your toddler from one or both.

Toddler nursing patterns

Toddlers may decide that they need to nurse a lot when the baby comes as they’re feeling anxious, or not at all, depending on their individual personalities. Also, during this age toddlers are more prone to infections between 12 months and 3 years and often if they have an earache, or another cold or a snotty nose, all they want is mum. That can be happening quite frequently as well. That mean that they want to feed more, as well as feelings of jealousy or worrying about their new sibling.

Getting touched out!

For some mothers tandem nursing can find it really difficult. It’s a good idea to look at the reasons why you want to continue breastfeeding, and whether that feels right for you. Also, if it feels wrong at that point in time, you can feed less, or having a few days where you feed less, and seeing how you feel then. Most importantly, talk to someone about it, and know that that’s ok. We all feel differently!

Babywearing

Slings are great for having your hands free while still nestling your baby in close. Some mums feel as though their baby doesn’t like the sling. In this case its a good idea to try the sling at different times of the day, and different states that the baby is in. For example, when the baby is asleep, or when they’ve just woken up, or just after nursing. Over time you should find the right time to put baby into the sling, and then you can just repeat at those times, and then it becomes easy and normal. The other thing is trying it out when you’re standing up, or try lying in the bed with the baby in the sling for a while before getting up. Trying different positions, and moving or not moving, to work out the best way to introduce the sling to your baby. If you get them in the sling, and then they want a feed, try nursing them in the sling, standing up.

Night time nursing

Especially if you have a toddler who is still sleeping with you, or used to coming into bed with you, it’s a good idea to try to move your toddler out of your bed while you’re pregnant and well before the baby comes along. You might need to start breastfeeding them in places other than the bed to get them used to the idea. If you aren’t able to do that during pregnancy, it can be really hard. It can be helpful to get your partner involved for snuggles with the toddlers, and coming up with alternatives to nursing in the bed with the toddler. Trying to give lots of attention and nursing during the day can also help.

Find your tribe

It can be very isolating in our culture to be nursing through pregnancy and then tandem nursing especially when you don't know anyone else still nursing, or people are asking you if it's still safe. We recommend finding a ‘tribe’ of like minded women through places such as the Australian Breastfeeding Association. Go along to meet ups, join their online forums and find the support you need. There are some other good, safe, websites such as www.breastfeeding.org.au or http://www.kellymom.com/

Also talk to your child health nurse about places you can connect. Always go at least twice when you’re trying out new groups (it's so easy to give up after just one visit!). You might be surprised at how quickly you connect with new mums after a second visit.

It can also be a great idea to try out new groups while you’re pregnant, before the baby arrives, as it can be easier to make connections with other Mums at this stage, and not trying to look after a baby and toddler and make friends all at the same time!

Thanks to Christine and Lyn for suggesting the topic. If you have a topic you’d like us to discuss please let us know!