Breastfeeding Etiquette Rules. For those who have perfect babies and too much time.

Breastfeeding is a beautiful, natural relationship between a mother and a child. As evolved mammals however there are a few rules you should know before you start breastfeeding. We've carefully thought these through, and tried to keep it straightforward so that there is no confusion. It's very important that you maintain the status quo and understand the cultural expectations in our society.

1. Your breasts are titillating, sexual body parts that are only for the bedroom. You should only expose them in the privacy of your bedroom so that the rest of us don't have to feel uncomfortable if we're visiting you.
2. If your baby is hungry while you are away from your bedroom, please remember to use a private, curtained room to maintain your modesty, and everyone else's comfort. If there is no private curtained room available please wait until you find one, or alternatively, please use a restroom. Making sure no one else glimpses your breasts should be your utmost concern. 
3. Remember that babies should only need to nurse every four hours. You should be able to time them. They're not like grown adults who need to drink and snack whenever they want. They like routines and schedules. Yes, all of them! 
4. Pumping breastmilk is DEFINITELY something to do in private. People don't like to see those kind of shenanigans. Even though we drink milk pumped from cows, we don't like to think about it. It's vulgar and shouldn't be discussed, or seen, or our heads might explode with the implications. 
5. If you're on public transport and your baby is making noises, and wanting to be fed, you probably didn't time it properly. You should immediately get off the public transport so that no one else has to put up with your babies noises. You absolutely should never nurse your baby on public transport. As we've mentioned before, our comfort should be your utmost concern.
6. Finally, if your baby is teething, has reflux, is going through a growth spurt or developmental stage, or any other issue that requires more nursing than normal, then you probably shouldn't leave the house. Ever. 

Bio: Corryn is holding in there at the moment. Mr 4 is recovering from a chesty cough, runny nose, croup type of thing while Mr 1 is in the middle of it (having caught it from his brother). Mr 1 is also cutting 3 teeth. The labradoodle has an ear infection. Otherwise life is just peachy!