Feeling burnt out? 5 Tips for Mums to recover from parental burn out

It has been a hell of a year and if you're anything like me you're feeling more than a little on edge. More than a few of us are treading perilously near to burn out. The thing is, when parents are burnt out, exhausted and have no more to give who do they turn to? It's not like there are fairies in the wings waiting to take care of the kids, the house and performing at work.

What is Parental Burn Out?

Parental burn out is a type of exhaustion syndrome with a wide range of symptoms. You might be feeling overwhelmed, physically and emotionally exhausted, like you have nothing left to give. You might be spending more time getting lost in addictive behaviours (netflix anyone?), emotionally distancing from your kids and others or being snappy and aggressive. On top of everything else you probably feel like you're not a good parent, or that you 'just need to get it together'.

When you're running on empty it is impossible to respond with love and compassion. You struggle to be patient with others and as relationships decline life can seem overwhelming and joyless. 

Why am I feeling so burnt out?

So far in 2020 we have not only dealt with our normal stress load, but we've also watched a large portion of our country go up in flames. A lot of us have lost homes and businesses. Hard on the heels of the bushfires came COVID19, and isolation. 

Being isolated from our support networks, friends and family can be a blessing for some, but is a mental health challenge for others. We also have uncertainty in our economic climate, people losing businesses and jobs and a multitude of issues as we adapt to the new world. 

If you have a baby or children the normal stresses are so much more in this climate. You might be dealing with a difficult pregnancy, or a medical issue and feel as though you just can't cope. 

We need to find ways to recharge ourselves so we can enjoy life and be emotionally supportive and available to our children, friends and family.

Tips to recover from Parental Burn Out

1. Be gentle with yourself

It is ok to feel burnt out and it happens to the best of us. Let go of unrealistic expectations and be open about how you're feeling with friends and family. Recognise that this is just a stage that will pass, and understand that it is time to prioritise yourself because you can't give when you're empty. 

During this stage it is good to avoid making major decisions or changes. You want to keep stress to a minimum! 

2. Prioritise your health and look after your self

The first place to start is looking after yourself physically. Some of the ways you can take care of yourself include

-  Getting to bed on time so you get enough sleep. Lack of sleep has a huge impact on how you are feeling and how resilient you are. If you're particularly stressed out you might be worried about waking up at 2am with anxiety. Avoiding alcohol and going for a walk before bed can both help with this. Another strategy to try is writing everything down in your journal before going to bed and finishing up with a gratitude list or a prayer for yourself and others to help get you in a positive frame of mind before you sleep. You can also try a positive guided meditation before sleeping.

- Prioritizing some form of exercise. Whether you go for a walk around the block before dinner or you do a 5km run in the mornings, exercise is one of the best ways to cope with stress and overload. You can even get up and do some stretching and core strength exercises in your PJs before getting going for the day.

- Eat well. Throw out the junk food and plan your lunches and dinners each week to make sure you're getting enough vegetables and protein. I like to make 5 salads with fried rice or risotto and some protein on top for my lunches each week, and then I just have to grab it to go at lunch time. This doesn't always happen but I know I feel a lot better when it does!

- Go and see your GP for a checkup. Talk to them about how you're feeling and what steps you're taking to look after yourself. If things are feeling overwhelming you might get a referral to a psychologist to help get you through this stage, or you might want to try some anti-depressants in the short term. 

3. Ask for help with your load

If you've been stuck at home with kids throughout COVID19 it is completely normal to need a break! Even if you haven't been stuck at home you might just need to ask for some help with your load in other areas of life. This can allow you to create space for yourself to do those things that recharge you.

Can you ask friends or family to look after your kids or help with the housework? Perhaps ask your boss for a day off a week for the next month that is just for you. Or look into some day care for your children. 

4. Allocate time to recharging yourself

Not sure what recharges you? Think about how you feel after different activities. Writing in your journal or doing some drawing, painting, craft or some other creative hobby. Try going for a walk, gardening or making time for meditation or yoga. Even reading a book by yourself with a cup of tea might be your thing. Perhaps it is taking a long relaxing bath. 

If you're completely stressed out and not sure how to come back from where you're at then it might be time to schedule an appointment with a psychologist or therapist to make a plan that is right for you.

5. Try journalling, gratitude or professional counselling

One of the problems with stress is that it tends to consume us to the point where we can no longer see the good in our lives. When you spend your time worrying about all of the bad things you will continue to spiral downwards. We need to counter that stress with awareness of the good in our lives.

Finding ways to identify the good things is easier said than done. You will need to try a few different things to see what works for you. At different stages of my life I've tried keeping a journal, spending time on prayer and meditation before bed, or keeping a gratitude list (write down 3 things you're grateful for every day). 

If nothing is working for you and you can't shake the stress and anxiety you need to seek professional counselling to help. Here are some places to start:

-  Peach Tree Perinatal Wellness - Support for parents and families

-  Beyond Blue - This is a great place to start. Beyond Blue helps with anxiety and depression and have a lot of free services available

Have you experienced burn out? What strategies worked for you?

About the Author

Corryn is a lover of coffee, hugs and sunshine. Mum of 3 and founder of Milk and Love, Corryn loves chatting to new mums and pregnant mums. She has extensive breastfeeding experience, and is an advocate for gentle parenting, cosleeping and looking after Mum's mental health...  read more about Corryn here